Some of us can recall at least one date that went south. Nothing seemed right with
it. Maybe it was that person you asked out. Maybe your well meaning Aunt Mildred
set you up with her idea of that special person just for you. You still love her,
your Aunt meant well. It does not matter that the date was the most painful experience
you might have ever had.
We have all probably had a date that stands out as being that date you wish you
could erase from your memory banks.
Because of all of the dates that everyone has had, that did not work out according
to plan, someone put together the do's and don'ts of dating.
This advice is well meaning and intended for all practical purposes to enjoy a first
date in order to have a second one go well too.
Do find a place you are both comfortable with going to on the date. Talk to your
prospective date about choices to agree upon. Don't assume you know that perfect
place for that date without first discussing it as an option.
Assuming you think your date would love to go horseback riding only to watch them
get thrown off their horse repeatedly is not ideal. This might tickle your funny
bone but it might be your date's worse dating experience to date.
Do be on time for the date. Whether you are both meeting somewhere, or picking him
or her up be punctual. It makes a good first impression and is polite.
Don't dress inappropriately. First dates should not be "formal attire"
occasions. It is best to shoot for business casual attire.
Even if you are both avid bowlers and decide the two of you are going out to a bowling
alley for that first date, it would be wise to wear slacks, instead of blue jeans,
or sweat pants. Avoid wearing a Tee shirt, too. Dress appropriately for the first
date.
Do put your date at ease. Be relaxed and as at ease as you can. Make eye contact
and remember to smile. Find something to compliment your date about almost right
away.
Don't monopolize the conversations. People love a good listener. Ask leading questions
that can relax them enough to talk about themselves.
Do let your date talk but do not lose control, allowing him or her to carry on a
one sided conversation with you. Appropriately interjecting into your date's patter
is not only appropriate but necessary. This creates a give and take flow that is
interactive between the two of you.
Don't keep answering cell phone calls from others. If you brought your cell phone
with you, put it on vibrate. Better yet, leave the phone in the car. It is rude
to be constantly answering phone calls from others on any date.
Don't grill your date. It is one thing to converse, yet quite another to interrogate
the date. Your date is not applying to mother or father your children, or be married
to you tomorrow. If you two hit it off, there will be plenty of time for all of
the detailed information to come about naturally.
Do ask the real questions, the ones that are meaningful. First dates are usually
auditions, but not inquisitions. It is appropriate to ask leading questions about
how they view life, what they feel about marriage, children, their hopes and aspirations.
Be subtle about these meaningful questions, though. If you find your date either
clamming up, or offering way too much about what they are looking for in a relationship,
handle this with discretion.
Do set a time limit to the date. It may not be a good idea to include a jam packed
day of going to the art festival, then dinner, then the movie, then the bar and
an early breakfast at some 24 hour restaurant.
In the end, this is your date. Magic can happen on first dates! These do's and don'ts
only provide a safer road map for you to create an environment on the date to be
aware of.
The days are long gone when you could hit some woman, or man over the head with
a stick then bring them back to your cave as a chosen mate forever.