HealthLife Blog: Mentors on Love
Posted June 20, 2008 1:28 PM GST
One of my girlfriends just told me that, after participating in three online questionnaires about her interests, then dutifully doing her due diligence e-mails to finally get to the phone calls to finally get to a first date meeting … after all that conversation on life and interests and past pets that have died … the guy asked her to go bowling with him. Now, for many women, this might sound like a fun date. For THIS girl, however, you’d have more success asking the Queen of England to don those funky shoes and wobble around with a 10-pound ball. If this friend of mine were one of those self-absorbed types, I’d roll my eyes and tell her that the word “flexibility” is her new Mantra of the Month. But she actually had a case here – you spend all that time writing essays, checking boxes and engaging in e- and otherwise conversation. So, when it comes time to asking for a first date, play to that person’s interests. This isn’t about what you want to do. Not this time. (I mean, you... Read More
Posted June 19, 2008 1:27 PM GST
Last night, I had the most interesting discussion with a buddy about older men seeking younger women. Let me tell you, there are a substantial number of men’s profiles in the online dating world, ages 42-60, that claim they’re looking to finally settle down and have a family, so they note that they’re only interested in profiles from women who are 10-20 years younger. He thinks it’s a scam. Most of the men he knows who do this, he claims, are looking to boost their egos, not their diaper purchases. By noting “maybe” or “yes” in the “Wants Children” category, they’re running up the right flag for a younger, ehrm, encounter. He further noted for the record that if it worked, we’d be seeing more of these couplings as actual couples in the normal mix of everyday life – restaurants, coffee houses, grocery stores, etc. “Hunh,” says Di. Interesting conjecture. What are your thoughts? Just click the Comments link below to chime in. Read More
Posted June 18, 2008 1:30 PM GST
Q: How do I get my wife to be less argumentative? -PaulA: Stop arguing with her. A fire may want to be a fire, but it’s got to have more than its own spark to fan itself to life. Give her the right to have her own opinion, even if you think it’s the wrong one. If you find yourself focusing on what drives you nuts, that frustration is only going to grow. You can’t fix her or change her, but you CAN choose your own response. So, next time she starts to get under your skin, switch your thinking to what it is you love about her. (And, erhm, sometimes it’s better to make that list in advance so you’re prepared with proper military response systems when the strike occurs.) Read More
Posted June 18, 2008 1:25 PM GST
Q: Here’s my question, Diane. WHERE are the MEN? What do you do when there aren’t any available men around? -Alyssa A: I guess my response to you would be another question: Where in the heck are YOU?! Last time I checked, men pretty much populated half of the planet – and if you’re in a remote location, there tend to be more of them there than women. (Trust me. I’ve looked into moving to Anchorage myself.) I do know what you’re saying. I chose to live in a town largely known for well-to-do family raising and a large gay population. But I don’t want to leave. I love it here. My friends tell me I have to move to a more “urban setting” where single men are boundless. Yeah, whatever. Easily said by my long-married friends who last moved as single people when they were saving couch change for Top Ramen purchases and using cinder blocks for bookshelves. Granted, I have many friends who have kids or same-sex partners, but I, too, have wondered where all the single, available,... Read More
Posted June 15, 2008 1:22 PM GST
Q: Is it possible to attract a new woman into my life while I’m obsessed with someone totally unavailable to me? -RobA. Been there. Done that. Tried it. (Well, not with a woman, but you know what I mean.) And, from personal experience, I’d say that’s a negatory, my dear man. As my favorite mentor Bob Proctor often tells me, “Where your attention goes, your energy flows.” If you’re obsessed with someone (and let’s hope this doesn’t mean you’re crawling around in bushes outside her house), you’ve really got no time or energy to focus on anyone else. Even if someone did come running your way … which I doubt because people can smell someone who’s “taken” a mile away … neither of you are going to have a very fulfilling encounter. It will fall flat because you’re flat. You already know if there is or isn’t a win in this obsessive deal. Really. You do. (And when I say “win,” I’m not talking a one-sided win.) So, if there’s a win in it, stay on the rutted track you’ve been... Read More
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